


What Feeling is Left

by imadra_blue



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Ayurnamat, Canon - Anime, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Drama, F/F, Missing Scene, One Shot, POV Female Character, POV Third Person Limited, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2013-05-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadra_blue/pseuds/imadra_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saber and Irisviel speak over dinner about the past, but not the impending future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Feeling is Left

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erin_C](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erin_C/gifts).



> Written for erinc1978 through a Tumblr drabble meme. Prompt: Saber/Iri - Ayurnamat (the philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed). Set just before Irisviel's body starts to give out.

Irisviel glanced back at Saber, who lurked about the kitchen door like a cat waiting for scraps. In her finely-cut suit, Saber resembled a man, albeit a pretty one, if Iri didn't study her form too long. The ambiguity was sort of intriguing.

"Would you like to taste the food, Saber?" Iri asked, smiling at her. The bright flavors in the beef curry filled the kitchen, no doubt attracting Saber.

Saber hesitated and then took a step in. She crossed her arms and frowned. "It smells odd. What is it?"

"Oh, it's beef curry, a sort of stew. I serve it with rice and 'tonkatsu'—which is a breaded and fried pork cutlet. It's Japanese. I suppose they didn't have this in medieval England."

"No." Saber remained right at the door and glanced back. She seemed as shy as ever, despite all they had shared. Iri imagined her thought process to be every bit as complicated as Kiritsugu's. Sometimes they even wore the same frown. Iri wished she could kiss both those frowns away.

Iri laughed and scooped some of the bubbling curry into a spoon and held it out to Saber. "Taste!"

Saber hesitated, then took the spoon and tasted it. She made an odd face, lips quirking and cheeks wrinkling, then relaxed, appearing thoughtful. "It has so many flavors… but it's good. I like it."

"Why, thank you." Iri beamed down at the pot, and then turned to fry the panko-covered pork cutlets. "I learned to make a number of Japanese dishes after marrying Kiritsugu. At first it seemed like a sort of wifely duty, but I genuinely began to love cooking. We had a chef, but I like to do it myself. This isn't even one of Kiritsugu's favorites. It's mine. He prefers it my salmon teriyaki. He loves seafood."

Saber seemed distant as she studied the food cooking on the stove. "Is cooking a wifely duty? Guinevere never cooked for me. She always let the servants do it."

Iri had always wondered how that part of the legend had worked, given Saber's true gender. "Was she truly a wife to you? Did she know?"

"She was my wife. And she knew me." Saber met Iri's gaze, her blue eyes intent with feelings Iri could not quite comprehend, feelings so human they were outside of her grasp. "In every sense, she knew me."

"Oh." Iri smiled, giggling a bit. Saber's cheeks bloomed red, offering a brilliant contrast to her golden hair. She was truly a beautiful woman. Iri envied Guinevere. She recalled the end of King Arthur's legend, and Guinevere's betrayal, but Iri would not ask about that. There was no need to remind Saber of painful things, especially not with all the unpleasant things they already had to endure in this war.

Saber set the spoon down on the counter, blue eyes bright as she studied Iri. "I never learned to cook, either."

"I imagine you were busy learning other things, like swordplay."

Saber nodded. "I was. I never felt comfortable with the roles most associate with women."

Iri turned over the pork cutlets, her fingers sluggish around the popping oil, though she didn't feel the spray. "I imagine you had great difficulty with that, especially in your time."

"Oh, yes. Sometimes, it felt like no matter how many times I passed men's tests, I still wasn't good enough, because I was doing the things they prided themselves on. Had I done what other women did, I would not have been treated so harshly." Saber looked more sour than Iri had ever seen her, more resentful. She clearly spoke of old wounds. "But in the end, they still made me king."

"I do not know what you have gone through, but I know you are not alone. Even women who do what is expected of them have been mistreated."

"Sadly true. I—" Saber suddenly seized Iri's hands and pulled her away from the stove. She held up Iri's hands in horror, revealing blistered fingers covered in hot oil. The pork cutlets had turned dark brown inside the frying pan. Iri had not been paying close enough attention and had let her hands slip into the oil.

Iri smiled and watched as the blisters slowly disappeared. Avalon still did all it could with Saber nearby, with or without sensation. "Do not worry. See? It already heals."

"You don't feel the pain, do you?" Saber whispered.

"No." Iri smiled. "I'll make more pork. The meal can easily be fixed."

"The meal, yes, but you…." Saber trailed off and gently wiped Iri's fingers clean of the oil.

Iri leaned forward and kissed Saber's lips. Iri had enough facial sensitivity left to tell Saber's lips were as soft as they seemed, far softer and nicer to kiss than Kiritsugu with his chapped lips and scratchy beard. Saber kissed back after a moment. She squeezed Iri's hands tightly enough that Iri could feel it. Iri pulled back and smiled widely, warm inside and out, a feeling that exceeded physical contact. "So long as I have you around, my beautiful knight, I will be fine." She would not think about what would happen as more Servants died, how much more feeling she would lose. It served no purpose to worry. It would only ruin what time she had left.

"And as long as I have you around, Irisviel, I will also be all right," Saber whispered, and kissed Iri's still-oily fingers.


End file.
